Jan 10, 2013 11:30pm PST
happy about, folks: obama's failed second term. it doesn't start for two weeks and it is a disaster. point is, i gave it a chance. even members of obama's cabinet are jumping off the s.s. barack like rats leaving for an opportunity in the private sector. [ laughter ] but the thing that disturbs me and my fellow pundits with air time to fill, is who obama has picked to replace them. >> have a look at this picture. ask yourself. look closely. what's missing? >> do you notice something? there are no women in the picture. >> where have the women gone? >> it shows the president with senior advisers in the oval office, all of them are male. >> stephen: those four white guys are right. [ laughter ] this is the 21st century. when filling his cabinet, there's only one question he should be asking: >> hey, where the white women at? [ laughter ] [cheers and applause] >> stephen: that's true. folks, look. this picture is damning. and i don't care if 43% of obama's appointees have been women. they're not in this photo. i live by one rule. if i can't see it, it does not exist-- oh, my god! where'
Jan 7, 2013 11:30pm PST
out by an albatross than suffer the deal accepted by republicans from owe balm yanch president obama increased taxes on the rich. >> taxes go up for singles making over $400,000 or more. it goes from 35% to 39.6%. >> 39.6%, mr. president? how is kim-ye supposed to afford a baby now? nation, nation, listen -- i don't want to brag -- but i make in excess of 400 large a year and by large i mean biggie fry, biggie coke. okay? i'm successful. if the government punishes me for it with the tax increase maybe i won't want to be anymore. >> it lowers the incentive of the people you want to take risks and to inknow rate is and to create. >> it's a disincentive to work. >> why do we want to punish success for crying out loud? why punish success? how can we makers continue to make what we make. why screen a personal husband and wife omelet team? maria, um bettero, i have terrible news. [ laughter ] thank god this horrible deal has loopholes. >> included in this bill were tax breaks for porto rican -- puerto rican rum growings, algae growers chnch -- >> stephen: which is why i'm proud to introduc
Jan 9, 2013 1:30am PST
in reality. way back in 2009 president obama decided against an investigation. and a criminal investigation ended last year with no charges and no public report. and that's how it should be. because remember, nation, when it comes to actual torture, "what you don't know won't hurt you." [ laughter ] and if you do know, we will hurt you until you tell us what you know. [ laughter ] but this is more important than reality. this is the movies, where americans learn their history. [ laughter ] that's how i learned that slavery was bad, and lincoln was killed by a vampire. [ laughter ] again daniel day lewis is a genius. he will be missed. [ laughter ] the key question is not whether torture led to bin laden, but whether it will lead to oscarrrrrr! [ laughter ] because this movie is racking up the praise. last night it won the new york film critics most movie award. and my erstwhile guest bigelow somehow found time to attend that function, saying "depiction is not endorsement, and if it was, no artist could ever portray inhumane practices; no author could ever write about them; and
Jan 10, 2013 1:30am PST
position. [ laughter ] and as a result, our dear leader obama is more determined than ever to take away our guns in that he has never tried to take away our guns. [ laughter ] but last week, he appointed reich marshal biden to head up a gun safety task force that will convene a "series of meetings" and "offer recommendations--" "in an effort to build consent for action." meetings? recommendations? effort? [ laughter ] folks, that is a slippery slope to jackbooted powerpoint presentations. [ laughter ] now, fortunately, folks, there are rational voices out there, who have a reasoned response to those who want gun regulation. >> now get a gun and go after her hide! well said. and sam's not alone. standing with him is nra head wayne lapierre, who in the wake of unimaginable tragedy, put forth a simple plan to reassure our troubled nation. >> i call on congress today to act immediately to appropriate whatever is necessary to have put armed police officers in every single school in this nation. >> stephen: yes, just put armed officers in every school. they can work it into the prom theme: enchan
Jan 7, 2013 6:55pm PST
lady michelle obama is a self-professed downton abbey fan. she could not bear waiting until january 6th for the new season to begin so she asked the british filmmakers for a copy now. she got it. >> stephen: oh, yes, cup cup, fetch me the downtons. now, meanwhile we commoners are left to far what will become of downton as it lurches it into the roaring '20s, will lord grantham accept labbee cybil's child with branson. will they stay in prison forth murder of his ex-wife. will they accept a marriage proposal from a young corporal hitler? (laughter) so many questions! she knows the answers. but we don't. until the season premier on january 6th. well, tonight folks, i strike back at her highness. by presenting you, my nation, with something not even michelle has seen. part of the show vince gilligan has agreed to let me show you scenes from the upcoming season of breaking bad. (cheers and applause) as performed by the men of downton abbey. (laughter) james? (laughter) thomas? >> lord grantham is growing impatient. it's time to start. >> right you are, allow me to bring the mobile lab.